Success

I feel that I have reached a new milestone.  Back in January when I started this blog I thought for sure that it was going to take much longer than six months to earn over 500 hits. After all I did not think that I had that many readers.

The past few weeks have been really busy (and still are). I just want to thank all you readers for checking in and making this possible, now on to my next goal. I am really sorry that I have not been writing recently but once I get into exams and finish the semester things will be less crazy. This is the first time I have even opened my blogger dashboard in something over a week. I have not forgotten you!

I think that the next goal should be to double this number. So I will get back to you in another 5 months to let you know if we have reached this next goal.

Update 7.9.2012:
Well it didn't take five months. I am very proud to say that the page views of my blog doubled from 1,000 to 2,000 in just over 2 months. This is very exciting and I look forward to many more milestones.

Why do I feel this way?

There was a point when I thought that I was doing better. But now it just seems that things are slipping right back to the way that they used to be.  There are good days and there are bad days, but recently the bad days have just been getting worse.  I have reached the point where I can no longer just put on a happy face and go outside.  Just this afternoon I went for a very long walk, but you see the  problem is I can walk away from facebook, and my cell phone and whatever is going on in other people's lives but there is no place for me to run that will get me out of my own head.  I want it to stop already but no matter what I do or what happen it just keeps coming back, but worse and worse. It is like taking one step forward and then another five steps back.

I have been reading up on depression and have found that in most cases there is something that caused the onset, but I have not yet been able to figure out what triggered it in my life. Perhaps its from my sparatic childhood with inconsistent friends, and lack of social life. Maybe it is my inability to figure out where I fit in, whatever it is, it is hurting me in places I don't want it to.  I fear that it is hurting the one relationship that I don't want to hurt, but since he is the closest and really the only person that I talk to as a really close friend he is the one that I lash out on. I want to stop but don't know what to do anymore. I want this all to just go away and let me live my life with out any more depression.

Experiment

 picture credit

Now I am confused. Just when did the words thin and fit start to mean the same thing? I know that I am thin but that doesn't mean that I am fit. For example I know that I walk to and from school everyday and that doesn't really tire me out, but if I have to go to the grocery store after class forget it. Just last night I decided to do a short exercise in my room, the routine had like say 10 things on it. I picked about three that I was going to do. I wasn't even half way through the first exercise when I started to think that I should stop for a break. Wow am I out of shape.

But I think I may have figured out why I'm so out of shape. Yes I know that my eating habits are all out of whack but that not the only thing that gets in the way. Since I started studying this year I have begun to do less and less real physical activity. This morning I was reading in flipbook and really great article from NPR it can be found here. I feel that the more time I spend just sitting in class behind a computer all day and then being tired from sitting doing nothing just to come home and spend more time in front of the computer has really set me back a long way. I used to be able to ride my bike for hours! I played soccer! Once upon a time I was active. I think that its time that I get back into these good habits therefore I am taking is upon myself to try and keep up with the 20 minute rule. I will try when I spend a long period of time sitting in front of the computer to set a time for 20 minutes and every 20 minutes I will get up and walk around. This will be kind of an experiment. I'll see if just walking around the apartment or standing for 2 minutes every 20 will make any difference. This could be interesting, I'm excited :)

Too much Touch!

I have clearly been using my touch screen technologies a little bit too much lately. It has been a few weeks since the last time I brought my laptop to school and used Microsoft Word at all. Today while taking notes in class I found myself like and idiot reaching up to touch the screen of my laptop (which is not a touch screen) to hit the indent button the top of the screen like I would usually do on my iPad. Then it dawned on me, I have a mouse! I had not realized that adjusting back and forth would be so difficult. I mean after all my cell phone is a touch screen I use the iPad while I sit in class but every night when I come home I use my laptop with out trying to use it as a touch screen. Perhaps it just has to do with my mind associating the action with the place. I am sitting in class and when in class I have my iPad therefore I have no mouse. Gonna have to retrain my brain.

Image credit.

Heartless

I sure hope that this is not where I'm headed... on occasion I feel that at one point I may have cared too much and now its all just falling apart.  Some days I just think what is the point?

It makes me so mad

Perhaps I just expect too much from other people.

I'm sure there are those out there that will agree with me that some people need to learn things on their own. I believe that by the age of 20 a person should have at least a little common sense. Mainly just simple things like being considerate when coming home at midnight, not slamming doors or yelling. Perhaps that is too much to ask. How about paying back for bills? Why do I always have to be the responsible one? What if one day I decided to just say screw it all. If I got up and left and didn't clean the apartment, pay the bills, make sure the bills are right, check the mail, be in touch with the landlord, set up the internet... These are not my children you are 20 years old. It is time to take charge in your own life. If you want to have food then go out to the GROCERY STORE not to the cafe and order dinner. I'm not your maid, clean up after yourself. Kill your own bugs, learn to read a bill. I am sick of having to be your mother. And don't you dare treat me like you are mothering me. Because believe me, you are not and whatever you may thing you are no where near ready to have your own kids.

Enough about that, now on to group projects oh how I love those. Some how no matter what the group I've been in I have been the one to do all the work. I think I'm going to have to start going to the teachers and TAs and tell them that I have been doing everything. The worst is when people just decide not to show up, especially when you remind them to. The best group experience I have had thus far has been in radio. My job in the group was to run the sound mixer. What did I really do? I wrote up the line up for our hour long show and scheduled a meeting for everyone to get together and create a 10 minute preview of our show. Now I was not able to attend this meeting but I assumed that everyone could pull themselves together and do it. Boy was I wrong. They created a piece to show the class but right before our turn one member of the group says we have to start the whole thing from scratch. How is it possible that something we have known about for 3 weeks has to get done at the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT! Not even the night before but we're talking 10 seconds before! The teacher gave us a chance to re-do for next week but my feeling is that this girl should just take the grade that we got and suck it up. This is a learning experience take it, and learn from it so you know for next time. Don't cover it up.

Image taken from here

Sleep

It is amazing how your body can tell

you when enough is enough. For the past week I have been running basically on no sleep, with so much school work and projects there has not been enough hours in the day to get everything done. Yesterday afternoon my body just said enough and at 6 in the evening I closed the blinds in my room and shut off the light and went to sleep. This lasted for two hours then I woke up to get something to eat and went right back to sleep. This morning was the first time in a long time that I have woken up refreshed and feel like I have sufficient amount of time to get ready for class at 8:30, granted I don't think that my borekas will defrost in time :(

The most important thing in the world to be prepared for any situation is get enough sleep, and I believe that for the rest of this week I will be trying to get more sleep and it will have a very positive impact on my school work.